Insignificance

Been a long time. Been a hard week.

My grandmother had a stroke on Tuesday. Somebody asked me if we were close. It's hard to think about. What does close mean?

I don't see her often. I rarely ever call. I've thought for the last few years that every time we said goodbye would be Goodbye. But as we drove the six hours out and back this weekend, I realized I wasn't ready for it to be.

Losing someone is hard, but I think knowing you can't do anything for them is harder. Maybe that's selfish.

As I sat in the hospital room while she slept, I searched for anything to say that would show her what she means me. How strong I think she is. How much I hope to live long and well and full like her.

All I ended up with was silence, but I think she knew it was love.

I hope to tell her that soon.