So I've kind of sucked it up on my goals this past month. I'm still reading the book I started reading over winter break. I clearly haven't been writing, our finances are no much more settled than earlier, we have not taken a trip (thought that is a summer goal in my defense), and the only trumpet playing I've really done was at University basketball games (which isn't pretty and doesn't count). BUT, I have crossed the 20 pound mark on my weight lost quest (that goal actually began in October, so I get to count from there), and I have dreamt a good deal about what I want in a house, though sadly we can afford none of it.
Things look fairly pathetic; however, in all my insane prep work for school, I did come across some poems I wrote a few years back the last time I taught the poetry course I'm teaching right now. They both come from in-class exercises I used to do with the students, but I don't remember the exact details. The first one (which I don't really like) had something to do with a newspaper article about uncovering a slave cemetery in New York City. It made me think of "For the Union Dead" by Robert Lowell (which you'll have to read on your own time), and is a pretty poor knock off. The second, which I think is half way decent, was probably based off a homonym exercise since it involves 'pairing' and 'paring.' (Side note: I am mildly obsessed with closely related words that mean opposing things. For example, 'cleave' is like the best verb in the entire world since it can mean both "hold on to" and "force apart".)
I'm posting them both here to: a) give the impression that I've actually been writing, b) fulfill my own constant desire to obsess over poems I've already written rather than write new ones, and c) to see if anyone even still reads this blog.
Cheers!
Rebury the Dead
The cityscape will gain a few
more players soon. Bulldozers have
scratched in the street
all morning, their long arms
clawing through urban farmland
harvesting lamp poles, tilling stone. And
where do we replace the bones beneath our street
so long ago left to be awoken
this way? Who will sing their songs
under the asphalt? Who will hear their stories
pound our foot soles? Not so much
has changed
in a hundred years, in fifty years, in
four days. A ditch is still
a ditch. How many more
years until we find ourselves
unearthed in the role of progress
a lot awarded to the highest bidder.
All around the tiny burial ground
new finless fish slide by the pavement
covered with grease.
Paring
You phoned last week
to tell me about the dinner
you had six months ago. Next year
I will return your
call and we will continue down,
paring our discourse
until all that remains is the hum
and static on the line
between our gapped breaths
and unmentioned loves. It is amazing how
I haven’t seen you in years but felt
the brush of your skin (we
never touched
enough) on my face. Such absence –
two stalks set
in such a difficult pairing.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Goals check
I've pretty much sucked at several of my goals so far. I have been reading more. I started a book called Heatby Bill Buford. It's a personal history about how he tried to become a chef by throwing himself into all these crazy kitchen jobs. It's quite good. I haven't done much else - save one thing - yet, and I'm blaming Jterm, which is this intensive three week course thing we do at my school that basically becomes a giant time void if you are teaching one. But I did get this note written for Facebook, which I'm counting as part of my 'collecting my thoughts' goal. And now if I post it here, it will be like it's part of my 'blog more goal too'. Yea for double duty.
Correspondence is my downfall. I suck at keeping in touch...with anyone. Facebook reminded me of this the other day when I was friended by a grade-school friend who, while she only lived down the street from me for most of high school, I never really saw past 1994 (Kim - I suck for that).
In fact, over the last few months, I've been friended by oodles of people I haven't been in contact with since college or high school or grade school or CCD in the second grade. It's been great to see what's happened to everyone. To look at where people ended up, how cute their children are, how much more fascinating than Indiana their lives have become. However, when it comes time to actually catch up with anyone, I some how get a mental block and end up sucked into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon or looking up odd facts about C.P. Cavafy on the internet or changing the laundry or anyone of the many time-voids in my life. I hate this trend.
So, I'm writing this note with the intent of 'catching up' all of you kind enough to say hey recently. If you've wondered what's happened to me since grade school, read on. And if you have a second shout back. I'm going to try not to suck at responding.
Ch. 2 - High School
Much to my parents' chagrin (they never really got over me not going to Marian), I graduated from Thornwood High School in 1998. Overall, it was a relatively un-scathing experience. I think that I learned a fair amount, and only really managed to piss off my freshman English teacher, Mrs. McNaughton, who was convinced I was a closeted hooligan who would never learn to spell. At the end of it all, I gave a very cliched speech at graduation in which I read from Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", a poem I now realize is grossly misinterpreted.
Ch. 3 - College
I attended Butler University in Indianapolis and vacillated between majoring in music education and English for most of my time there. After my first private trumpet instructor told me I should find an instrument I was better at (I'm paraphrasing loosely), I took stock of my options and decided that majoring in creative writing would yield endless job opportunities and riches beyond my wildest dreams. Or maybe I just liked it better. Either way, I graduated with a poetry emphasis in 2002, having met my partner Suellen by falling down in front of her during marching band practice. At least I got something good out of all those music classes after all.
Ch. 4 - Post-college
Frustrated by the lack of people wanting to hire a poet with little experience at anything, I decided to continue life as a student. That's not entirely true. Suellen was nice enough to take a crappy job in New Hampshire so that I could go to graduate school and really focus on writing. While I liked my work at the University of New Hampshire, the east coast eventually proved to be a bit too far from home - and too expensive - for us. I took an overload of courses to finish early, and after an expansive job search by Suellen, we ended up back in Indianapolis, where I began my luxurious stint as a urine drug screen collection scheduler. Jealous? You should be. Apparently studying with the man who went on to become the Poet Laureate leaves one highly qualified to say "Come in at 10 and piss in a cup". Who knew? Luckily, I started teaching night courses at the community college, and eventually landed my current job, which leads me to ...
Ch. 5 - Post-post-college, or current life
Now I teach English and creative writing at University High School, a progressive college prep school in a suburb of Indianapolis. I live with Suellen on the outskirts of Indy in a house that cannot stay warm enough this frost-bitten winter. This past September, Suellen gave birth to our daughter, Parker Alyse who keeps us very busy and very tired. I love teaching, I love my family, and yes Mrs. McNaughton, I never did learn how to spell.
So that's what's happened to me in the last 14 years. I wonder if Buffy is on..
Correspondence is my downfall. I suck at keeping in touch...with anyone. Facebook reminded me of this the other day when I was friended by a grade-school friend who, while she only lived down the street from me for most of high school, I never really saw past 1994 (Kim - I suck for that).
In fact, over the last few months, I've been friended by oodles of people I haven't been in contact with since college or high school or grade school or CCD in the second grade. It's been great to see what's happened to everyone. To look at where people ended up, how cute their children are, how much more fascinating than Indiana their lives have become. However, when it comes time to actually catch up with anyone, I some how get a mental block and end up sucked into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon or looking up odd facts about C.P. Cavafy on the internet or changing the laundry or anyone of the many time-voids in my life. I hate this trend.
So, I'm writing this note with the intent of 'catching up' all of you kind enough to say hey recently. If you've wondered what's happened to me since grade school, read on. And if you have a second shout back. I'm going to try not to suck at responding.
Ch. 2 - High School
Much to my parents' chagrin (they never really got over me not going to Marian), I graduated from Thornwood High School in 1998. Overall, it was a relatively un-scathing experience. I think that I learned a fair amount, and only really managed to piss off my freshman English teacher, Mrs. McNaughton, who was convinced I was a closeted hooligan who would never learn to spell. At the end of it all, I gave a very cliched speech at graduation in which I read from Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", a poem I now realize is grossly misinterpreted.
Ch. 3 - College
I attended Butler University in Indianapolis and vacillated between majoring in music education and English for most of my time there. After my first private trumpet instructor told me I should find an instrument I was better at (I'm paraphrasing loosely), I took stock of my options and decided that majoring in creative writing would yield endless job opportunities and riches beyond my wildest dreams. Or maybe I just liked it better. Either way, I graduated with a poetry emphasis in 2002, having met my partner Suellen by falling down in front of her during marching band practice. At least I got something good out of all those music classes after all.
Ch. 4 - Post-college
Frustrated by the lack of people wanting to hire a poet with little experience at anything, I decided to continue life as a student. That's not entirely true. Suellen was nice enough to take a crappy job in New Hampshire so that I could go to graduate school and really focus on writing. While I liked my work at the University of New Hampshire, the east coast eventually proved to be a bit too far from home - and too expensive - for us. I took an overload of courses to finish early, and after an expansive job search by Suellen, we ended up back in Indianapolis, where I began my luxurious stint as a urine drug screen collection scheduler. Jealous? You should be. Apparently studying with the man who went on to become the Poet Laureate leaves one highly qualified to say "Come in at 10 and piss in a cup". Who knew? Luckily, I started teaching night courses at the community college, and eventually landed my current job, which leads me to ...
Ch. 5 - Post-post-college, or current life
Now I teach English and creative writing at University High School, a progressive college prep school in a suburb of Indianapolis. I live with Suellen on the outskirts of Indy in a house that cannot stay warm enough this frost-bitten winter. This past September, Suellen gave birth to our daughter, Parker Alyse who keeps us very busy and very tired. I love teaching, I love my family, and yes Mrs. McNaughton, I never did learn how to spell.
So that's what's happened to me in the last 14 years. I wonder if Buffy is on..
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Thursday Thirteen
Hello again blog stalkers. You thought I was dead didn't you? Nope. Just busy recuperating from the holidays. Everyone wanted to see Parker, so it was quite a busy break. The transition back to school these past weeks has also been a bit hectic. I'm co-teaching an 3 week intensive Jterm class (on top of teaching refresher sessions for my AP classes). Suellen has returned to work after almost seven months off, and Parker started her 'day care' with Aunt Lauren. We've been busy with all that.
I have, however, been thinking a lot about a number of things, which is I guess is appropriate for the start of a new year. In that spirit, I've come up with 13 things I want to accomplish this year. I'd call them resolutions, but I'm not resolving to do them. They are more goals for myself.
1. Lose weight. Cliche? Yes. Too bad. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life, so I'm not looking for miracles here. Just maintaining more healthy habits and distancing myself from the heart-attack-at-40 danger zone. Suellen's family started this weight loss challenge thing in mid-October and I've lost 15 pounds since then (which I think is good considering the major eating holidays were in there). I've also begun tracking my daily caloric intake with this nifty little program for my iPod. All in all, I'm hoping this goal is attainable.
2. Read. I'm pretty sure I own more books than some small town libraries...and I've probably read less than half of them. It's hard during the school year to find time to read anything other than what I'm teaching, but I'm hoping that since we are watching less mind numbing TV now that Parker is here, I'll find more time for something I actually love to do.
3. Make a financial plan. I think Suellen and I have always been good with money. We save a bit each month, don't carry a balance on any of our credit cards, and aren't really the type of people who make big splurges. That being said, conceiving Parker was a huge cost to us, and if a second baby (and therefore bigger house) are on the horizon, we need to start working harder to achieve those goals.
...which leads to (or more appropriately stems from)...
4. Figure out just what we would need (and could afford) in a second home. This is particularly important to me right now as I sit in our frigid study typing. Clearly a more efficient furnace is high on the list. Heat pumps were not designed to handle this latest cold freeze.
5. Collect all my thoughts about conceiving Parker, having Parker, and now raising Parker into one coherent piece of writing instead of just keeping them in bits and pieces here and there and in my head.
6. Attend at least four arts events in the city. I love going to plays - even tiny obscure ones where their are only like ten people in the audience, ask Suellen - readings, performances of most kids, but we rarely ever go. Granted it is harder now that we have a baby, but I think a goal of one every three months is attainable.
7. Find a church. Now, let it be said, that I am not wholeheartedly a big fan of organized religion, but I do consider myself to be a religious and spiritual person. And, more importantly, I want Parker to have some sort of environment in which she can learn about God. This is difficult for us given that there are few churches in central Indiana that are waiting to welcome the lesbian family (and some of the ones that are, are a bit scary), but I'm fairly confident that we can find the right place for us.
8. Write more things down. Notice I did not say poems. I've kind of accepted the fact that I will probably never find the time to do the writing I once thought I would, but I at least would like to do a better job keeping record of my reflections on things, particularly now that Parker is growing up.
which does lead nicely to
9. Blog more. Fifteen days into the new year, and I'm just getting to this one. Yeah. This one might not happen.
10. Take Suellen on a trip for our anniversary. We will have been together 10 years this September, and I want to do something nice for that.
11. Take a vacation with Parker. Nothing far and nothing fancy, but I want to see the world with her, so why not start now...well maybe not in the frozen tundra of right now, but at least this summer.
12. Start playing the trumpet again. Suellen and I were fairly involved with playing a bit around town right before Parker, and I had forgotten how much I loved it. I like to reopen that creative outlet.
13. Go back to New Hampshire for a bit. While I do enjoy the fact that snow outside my window will melt before April (in NH, there was literally snow on the ground from November to April), I miss the Granite State. Moving there was a coming of age moment for me. Suellen and I never had a wedding or ceremony or anything, so moving there was kind of like our big 'life will never be the same' commitment step. I know we didn't always enjoy being so far away from home, but the time there was very meaningful for the both of us.
Ok, now I'm going to click 'Publish Post', and that will mean that someone out there will read these, and then I have to do them. We'll see how that goes.
I have, however, been thinking a lot about a number of things, which is I guess is appropriate for the start of a new year. In that spirit, I've come up with 13 things I want to accomplish this year. I'd call them resolutions, but I'm not resolving to do them. They are more goals for myself.
1. Lose weight. Cliche? Yes. Too bad. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life, so I'm not looking for miracles here. Just maintaining more healthy habits and distancing myself from the heart-attack-at-40 danger zone. Suellen's family started this weight loss challenge thing in mid-October and I've lost 15 pounds since then (which I think is good considering the major eating holidays were in there). I've also begun tracking my daily caloric intake with this nifty little program for my iPod. All in all, I'm hoping this goal is attainable.
2. Read. I'm pretty sure I own more books than some small town libraries...and I've probably read less than half of them. It's hard during the school year to find time to read anything other than what I'm teaching, but I'm hoping that since we are watching less mind numbing TV now that Parker is here, I'll find more time for something I actually love to do.
3. Make a financial plan. I think Suellen and I have always been good with money. We save a bit each month, don't carry a balance on any of our credit cards, and aren't really the type of people who make big splurges. That being said, conceiving Parker was a huge cost to us, and if a second baby (and therefore bigger house) are on the horizon, we need to start working harder to achieve those goals.
...which leads to (or more appropriately stems from)...
4. Figure out just what we would need (and could afford) in a second home. This is particularly important to me right now as I sit in our frigid study typing. Clearly a more efficient furnace is high on the list. Heat pumps were not designed to handle this latest cold freeze.
5. Collect all my thoughts about conceiving Parker, having Parker, and now raising Parker into one coherent piece of writing instead of just keeping them in bits and pieces here and there and in my head.
6. Attend at least four arts events in the city. I love going to plays - even tiny obscure ones where their are only like ten people in the audience, ask Suellen - readings, performances of most kids, but we rarely ever go. Granted it is harder now that we have a baby, but I think a goal of one every three months is attainable.
7. Find a church. Now, let it be said, that I am not wholeheartedly a big fan of organized religion, but I do consider myself to be a religious and spiritual person. And, more importantly, I want Parker to have some sort of environment in which she can learn about God. This is difficult for us given that there are few churches in central Indiana that are waiting to welcome the lesbian family (and some of the ones that are, are a bit scary), but I'm fairly confident that we can find the right place for us.
8. Write more things down. Notice I did not say poems. I've kind of accepted the fact that I will probably never find the time to do the writing I once thought I would, but I at least would like to do a better job keeping record of my reflections on things, particularly now that Parker is growing up.
which does lead nicely to
9. Blog more. Fifteen days into the new year, and I'm just getting to this one. Yeah. This one might not happen.
10. Take Suellen on a trip for our anniversary. We will have been together 10 years this September, and I want to do something nice for that.
11. Take a vacation with Parker. Nothing far and nothing fancy, but I want to see the world with her, so why not start now...well maybe not in the frozen tundra of right now, but at least this summer.
12. Start playing the trumpet again. Suellen and I were fairly involved with playing a bit around town right before Parker, and I had forgotten how much I loved it. I like to reopen that creative outlet.
13. Go back to New Hampshire for a bit. While I do enjoy the fact that snow outside my window will melt before April (in NH, there was literally snow on the ground from November to April), I miss the Granite State. Moving there was a coming of age moment for me. Suellen and I never had a wedding or ceremony or anything, so moving there was kind of like our big 'life will never be the same' commitment step. I know we didn't always enjoy being so far away from home, but the time there was very meaningful for the both of us.
Ok, now I'm going to click 'Publish Post', and that will mean that someone out there will read these, and then I have to do them. We'll see how that goes.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Photo Tag
Thanks Joe...I'm supposed to be grading...
The object of the picture tag is to:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 people to do the same
NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)
This is Parker's first bottle in the NICU. I am clearly struggling with the burp cloth. I look like one of those snoody waiters opening your napkin for you.
I'm tagging Krysten, Andrea, Lauren O. and Kristin K. (who's blogs I often stalk).
The object of the picture tag is to:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 people to do the same
NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)
This is Parker's first bottle in the NICU. I am clearly struggling with the burp cloth. I look like one of those snoody waiters opening your napkin for you.
I'm tagging Krysten, Andrea, Lauren O. and Kristin K. (who's blogs I often stalk).
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Proofreading humor
Since I've been drowning under a deluge of grading these last few weeks (or maybe it's a month by now). There hasn't really been time for blogging, and there probably won't be for at least another week. However, I did come across this on the internet the other day, and I think it's frickin' hysterical. Of course my enjoyment of it maybe slightly skewed by the fact that I've actually read this type of paper.
The man on the left is Taylor Mali, an English teacher and award winning slam poet. the man on the right is Billy Collins, former US poet laureate, who I actually had the chance to introduce when he read at Butler.
It's a bit crude at times, but enjoy!
The man on the left is Taylor Mali, an English teacher and award winning slam poet. the man on the right is Billy Collins, former US poet laureate, who I actually had the chance to introduce when he read at Butler.
It's a bit crude at times, but enjoy!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Untitled draft of something...
So I do this quasi-performance-art-exchange-of-narratives-club-thing at school. We call ourselves the Rubber Duckies - don't ask, there isn't a story behind it - and we craft these performances for various assemblies and events for the school. Anyway, here's the piece I did last Friday.
Seven. In case you are wondering. It’s seven. The number of times I can say the Lord’s Prayer in one minute. Seven.
Why do I know this?
Because I’m stuck here. In a hallway surrounded by what appear to be very large vending machines filled with medical supplies like intubator kits and IV bags, forceps and sterile gauze, waiting. For her to be prepped for surgery. And from here it seems, I can do nothing, but watch the clock. And pray.
It’s not a big surgery. Not one of those moments from a primetime TV drama where some renegade, but likable, doctor is going to swoop in at the last second with some absolutely genius way of removing a live hand grenade from a man’s chest cavity.
No.
It’s a planned c-section. One decided on in a small room, in a calm and rational manner without threat to either the mother or my daughter.
My daughter – that’s odd to say. Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to have kids, but to be a parent, that’s something I’m still not sure I’m ready for.
Huh.
It’s funny, you know, because here. In this hallway. Legally. Technically. She isn’t my daughter yet at all.
But here I am, trapped between triage rooms and pre-sterilized scalpels, praying. For something that isn’t even born.
Just thought I'd share it here since I'm apparently too uninspired to actually blog.
Seven. In case you are wondering. It’s seven. The number of times I can say the Lord’s Prayer in one minute. Seven.
Why do I know this?
Because I’m stuck here. In a hallway surrounded by what appear to be very large vending machines filled with medical supplies like intubator kits and IV bags, forceps and sterile gauze, waiting. For her to be prepped for surgery. And from here it seems, I can do nothing, but watch the clock. And pray.
It’s not a big surgery. Not one of those moments from a primetime TV drama where some renegade, but likable, doctor is going to swoop in at the last second with some absolutely genius way of removing a live hand grenade from a man’s chest cavity.
No.
It’s a planned c-section. One decided on in a small room, in a calm and rational manner without threat to either the mother or my daughter.
My daughter – that’s odd to say. Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to have kids, but to be a parent, that’s something I’m still not sure I’m ready for.
Huh.
It’s funny, you know, because here. In this hallway. Legally. Technically. She isn’t my daughter yet at all.
But here I am, trapped between triage rooms and pre-sterilized scalpels, praying. For something that isn’t even born.
Just thought I'd share it here since I'm apparently too uninspired to actually blog.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Things that have happened since my last post
If you've been following Suellen's blog, you mostly know what has been happening with us, but I thought I'd throw in a few additional things that have happened to us over the last few weeks.
In no particular order....
1. I got caught up with my grading in time to write academic updates. This is actually a very big deal. I'm a big supporter of more writing yields better writing, which of course means more grading. And considering that I still had papers that were turned in when I was out with the baby, I was pretty pleased that I managed to get them all - over 500 pages - marked so that I could write my narrative comments for each of my 79 students.
2. Suellen got severe head cold, which was painful for all of us since she needed her rest and couldn't take the lead on normal nighttime baby duties on school nights (she has been extremely good at letting me sleep as much as possible when I have work the next day). Parker, thankfully, is not at risk to catch the cold since she's already receiving the anti-bodies Suellen is producing through the breast milk. Who knew? (well, actually all you blog-stalking moms probably did).
3. I got a severe head cold. No anti-bodies for me, but I did get to miss school today. Guess I should have been breast feeding. Actually, that's quite gross.
4. I managed to spill coffee all over a shelf of books, a stack of student papers, the carpet and an armchair while attempting to get up to attend to a screaming baby. Fun times.
5. I am now again woefully behind on my grading. Thank you head cold.
6. We surprised my mom by driving up to Chicago and bringing Parker to her school. She celebrated her first overnight trip by making a giant stinky green poo right in the middle of Greenwood Elementary.
7. We took Parker to get pumpkins and I carried her around in a Baby Bjorn complete with dangling orange pacifier attached to it. That brought my dorkiness to a new level.
And I think that's about it. Sleeping, grading, pooping, eating, fussing, drooling, sleeping, repeat. All of us doing all of that over and over again. That's my life. Awesome.
In no particular order....
1. I got caught up with my grading in time to write academic updates. This is actually a very big deal. I'm a big supporter of more writing yields better writing, which of course means more grading. And considering that I still had papers that were turned in when I was out with the baby, I was pretty pleased that I managed to get them all - over 500 pages - marked so that I could write my narrative comments for each of my 79 students.
2. Suellen got severe head cold, which was painful for all of us since she needed her rest and couldn't take the lead on normal nighttime baby duties on school nights (she has been extremely good at letting me sleep as much as possible when I have work the next day). Parker, thankfully, is not at risk to catch the cold since she's already receiving the anti-bodies Suellen is producing through the breast milk. Who knew? (well, actually all you blog-stalking moms probably did).
3. I got a severe head cold. No anti-bodies for me, but I did get to miss school today. Guess I should have been breast feeding. Actually, that's quite gross.
4. I managed to spill coffee all over a shelf of books, a stack of student papers, the carpet and an armchair while attempting to get up to attend to a screaming baby. Fun times.
5. I am now again woefully behind on my grading. Thank you head cold.
6. We surprised my mom by driving up to Chicago and bringing Parker to her school. She celebrated her first overnight trip by making a giant stinky green poo right in the middle of Greenwood Elementary.
7. We took Parker to get pumpkins and I carried her around in a Baby Bjorn complete with dangling orange pacifier attached to it. That brought my dorkiness to a new level.
And I think that's about it. Sleeping, grading, pooping, eating, fussing, drooling, sleeping, repeat. All of us doing all of that over and over again. That's my life. Awesome.
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